| A Man's Man - Part 4 | ||
| That glorious weekend with Jack and
his kid brother Sam had created a dilemma for me. I now realized that I was
totally and hopelessly in love with Jack. I don't mean in love with his cock or
his body, but in love with the total package including his mind, heart and soul.
He was all that I thought about. I wanted to spend every waking minute of the
day with him. I wanted to spend my life with him! My dilemma was this: I've created a situation where Jack has no knowledge of our sexual relationship. He has no knowledge that my feelings for him go far beyond the 'best buddy' stage. He has no knowledge of the fact that I would willingly give my life for him! HE WAS STRAIGHT!!! I saw that the only way to proceed was to continue as we had. I would love him in silence and hope for the occasional chance to physically show him my love while he slept. A love of which he would remember nothing. I knew that I would never feel the touch of his lips on mine. I would never be able to hold him in my arms and stroke his brow and tell him how much he meant to me. I would never be able to tell him that he was my god and that I worshipped every part of him. Back at work it was business as usual. About once a month we would go up to the cabin for the weekend and I was usually able to show him my love. Never mind that it was while he was asleep. Never once did he ever give me any indication that he was aware of what happened in the middle of the night. As far as I know Jack never dated. It would have ripped my heart out if he had. I was confused by my own situation. While I never really thought of myself as gay, I had to admit that I must be. But, oddly, I never even looked at another man. I was gay for only one reason - Jack. If I couldn't have him I would have no one. Summer turned to fall, and then the winter snows came. I hated winter. I could never seem to get warm enough. In December, our company decided to send two plant operators to their facility in Canada to help train new hires. It would be a 5-day trip. The 2 people chosen were Jack and a guy from another shift. His name was Arnold and if anyone looked or acted gay, it was he. I was insane with jealously at the thought of Arnold being anywhere near MY MAN! For 2 days I worried and fretted. I couldn't eat or sleep. At the last minute Arnold came down with the flu and the bosses chose me to go in his place. They told me that I was actually their first choice along with Jack but that they didn't want to leave our shift in the hands of inexperienced people. They shuffled a few people around for the week so that all would continue to operate smoothly in our absence. The Canadian facility was located in the middle of nowhere. The small town surrounding the plant lived and breathed around the plant. It was truly a company town. We were booked to stay in the company lodge, a large log structure hidden in the woods just out of town. It appeared to be rustic yet comfortable. The Company had flown us in on the corporate jet and when we were climbing in altitude I got an incredible shot of pain in each ear. Just what I need now I thought an ear infection. We went to the front desk to check in. The manager had no record of a reservation for us. Someone back at our plant had forgotten to call ahead. They only had one room left but there was a problem. The room just happened to be the Presidents Suite! It was ONLY to be used by the President of the company. A few phone calls were made and we were given the approval to use the room, as long as we didn't tell anyone. As the manager was showing us to the suite, he let us know that there was only one bed, a king, but that he would bring up a rollaway. The suite was absolutely beautiful. It was rustic yet elegant, with log walls and beamed cathedral ceilings. The king bed was made out of rough-hewn logs and set up on a platform that gave you a perfect view of the huge stone fireplace. Two large overstuffed wing chairs flanked the fireplace. A bearskin rug (head and teeth included) lay in front of the hearth. There was a huge skylight over the bed, giving a fantastic view of the stars and the aurora borealis as it snaked across the night sky. Thank god for the far north! There was a fully stocked wet bar that the manager said we were more than welcome to use. The bathroom had a two-person whirlpool tub with shutters that could be opened out into the room. You could actually sit in the tub and see the fireplace and look out through the skylight. Back in the room, I counted at least 20 different kinds of animal mounts including a full sized grizzly! This was exactly the kind of place that Jack and I liked. It was romantic yet masculine. The only problem was the bed. The manager had brought up the rollaway as we unpacked and set it up about 10 feet away from the king bed. This just wouldn't do! (I'll worry about that later, I thought). Jack was 'a man of few words' as they say, but he had been unusually quiet during the trip, as if he had something on his mind. I poured us both tall whiskeys and we settled in front of the fireplace. We chatted about what was to be expected of us at the plant during the next 5 days. We decided that that they really only needed one of us. It was going to be an easy week. We settled in to a quiet spell, each of us sipping our drinks and staring into the fire. My ears were really starting to hurt and I was beginning to feel stiff and achy. Maybe the whisky and a good night’s sleep would revive me. I dozed off in front of the fire and awoke about an hour later. Much to my dismay, Jack had already undressed and claimed the rollaway bed. That was just like him to leave the better bed for me. He was thoughtful like that. He was snoring deeply, sound asleep. The golden glow from the fireplace illuminated his face, casting shadows off his chiseled features. A lock of his blond hair swept down and rested just above his eyes. Without thinking I reached down and stroked his forehead, brushing the hair back into place. My hand lingered there a while and I realized that Jack wasn't snoring! I looked into his eyes and he was awake! I removed my hand and stood there, trying to think of a way to explain my actions. He said nothing, just gazed up me with a look in his eyes that I couldn't read. Finally I said, "I'm a little worried that I may be coming down with that flu that's going around and I was just checking to see if you might be feverish or something..." as my voice trailed off. He smiled and said thanks but he was feeling fine, just tired. He reached out and patted my leg as said, "Good night Kiddo. Get some sleep.” I undressed and climbed up the few steps of the bed platform and slid under the covers. I lay there thinking of Jack. I might be fooling myself, but I think he kind of liked it as I stroked his forehead. That was my last thought as I drifted off to sleep. The next morning I awoke and immediately realized that there was no doubt about it - I was coming down with the flu. My whole body ached! My eardrums throbbed with each beat of my heart. My stomach was queasy and I felt like I had a slight fever. A chill was starting to creep up my spine. This was all that I needed just now. I willed myself out of bed. Jack was already up and in the shower. He had started a pot of coffee at the wet bar and I poured myself a cup. Jack began to whistle while he bathed. It sounded like he was feeling fine and in good spirits! He came out of the bathroom naked as a jaybird, toweling his hair dry. His beautiful piece of meat was half-hard, hanging in my favorite pose. I felt a stirring of passion well up in my heart (and groin!). He took one look at me and the smile on his face changed to a look of great concern. "You look like you're ready to curl up and die, Kiddo!" I loved it when he called me Kiddo. It allowed him to show his fondness for me as a friend, without sounding anything other than hetro. "I'll be alright,” I said. "What I need is a hot shower". We went downstairs and had breakfast. I immediately realized that I shouldn't have done that. My stomach was already churning. The manager ran us over to the plant in the company van. Even he said that I didn't look well. (Actually, he said, "You look like shit young fella!"). I was determined to get through the day. I didn't want to let Jack down, leaving him to do all the work. At lunchtime I couldn't eat. Just the sight of the food made me sick. I had kept my coat on all day, even though we were working inside. Every so often I would get the shivers which meant my fever was building. Jack took matters into his own hands and arranged for someone to take me back to our room. I protested but Jack said that we were almost done for the day. He would hang around for an hour our two to make sure everything was under control. His concern for me was touching. "You should have taken advantage of the flu shots the company arranged for last month like I did," he scolded me. As soon as I hit the room I undressed and fell into bed. I was soon dead to the world. I awoke hours later and could feel a damp cloth wipe the sweat that gathered on my forehead. Its coolness was soothing and gentle. I could feel a presence next to me lying on the bed, cuddling me, keeping me warm. In my delirium I fought to bring sense to my addled brain, but could not. The gentle hand continued to stroke my fevered brow and the soft voice hushed my attempt to speak. As my brain slipped back into its fog I heard the voice whisper "I'm here now, Kiddo". Sometime later my brain came out of its fog long enough to realize that my body was being blasted with cold water. Unseen arms held my body upright in the shower as the cooling streams of water flooded over my burning body. Again that sweet, soothing voice, soft and deep, told me I would be okay. "I'll take care of you my love". I leaned back against the strong body that supported me. Arms wrapped tighter around me as I again slipped into the fog that overtook my mind. "My love?" I awoke sometime in the middle of the night disoriented and confused. Where was I? I was wrapped in arms that held me tight. A warm, comforting body was pressed against my back. The chest against my back rose and fell in steady rhythm. A soft snore escaped the lips. Jack! My fever must have broken during the night, thanks to the bracing shower. As my mind swept away the fog, my memory began to return. Jack had nursed me through the night. I could remember his soothing voice speaking sweetly and lovingly to me. I could remember his warming embrace and his gentle hand on my brow. I could remember distinctly, that he cooed the words that I longed to hear - "I'll take care of you MY LOVE"! The memory of those words sent a jolt through my body that jerked me upright! Was it true or was it just how my delirious mind had heard it? Jacks strong arms brought me back to him and as we lay there, spooning, he kissed my neck with gentle kisses and caressed my chest with his bear paw hands. It WAS true! Jack had spoken those words of love that I lived and died for! My emotions overcame me as tears welled up in my eyes. My heart was exploding with joy! A sob of joyous exhilaration escaped my lips as he gently rolled me over and into his gentle embrace. One had caressed my face as the other massaged my back. His sweet smile and adoring eyes unleashed a torrent of my tears. Slowly, gently, he brought his lips to mine. I felt his warm breath linger at my lips, prolonging the moment. When finally his lips touched mine they were sure and soft. "Oh Jack," I cried but his gentle kisses silenced me. His kisses moved to every part of my face, so soft that they seemed more like breaths than kisses. He cradled my tear-streaked face in his gentle hands and looked deep into my eyes. A single tear slipped from his eye as he uttered the words that longed to hear. "I love you". Our lips met again as we embraced each other tightly, never wanting to let go. Jack had confessed to me that he had been awake during our last several late night 'sleep sex' episodes, beginning the weekend after Sam's visit. I had awakened feelings in him that he never knew where there. He had longed to tell me about being awake, but thought that it might end our friendship. He didn't know what my true feelings were for him. On the flight up to Canada he thought long and hard, and decided to express his love for me during our time in Canada. That was why he had been so quiet. Jack made love to me that night. Not sex - Love. His every touch cemented our love. His every kiss bound our love together forever. Sex without love can be exiting and self-gratifying. Sex with love is exhilarating and sharing, loving and caring. I slept that night and forever in the arms of my true and everlasting love. I slept in the loving arms of Jack, 'a man's man'. |
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